Daddy, do you know how it hurts?
Does sitting in a bar breaking bottles into your gut make you feel better than coming home to us?
Is the banter sweeter than kissing mum?
Is her mouth that bitter?
Daddy, I want to learn your pain
Every time I look into your eyes I see a trapped boy screaming for help
Grabbing onto anything he finds that’d get him to breathe
Daddy, what happened,
What happened to you?
I want to know the high alcohol gives you
I want to feel how powerful it makes you
Will it make us closer if I became like you?
The whole world is drinking anyway, there could be truths everyone runs for in those places
I want to know the thrill of your stagger, the joy in your tongue when you stammer – that your body dances in ecstacy your words become bullets
How did you learn to play this music that kills;
how did you become so good at it?
Because a lot of times when I sleep I really don’t want to wake up again
At least in my dreams I can’t smell the stench of beer coming off anyone’s mouth reminding me of my pain.
In my dreams I can drink as much tea with my friends and nobody gets home late to sleeping kids who wanted to hear their daddy affirming them before they went to bed. In my dreams nobody’s whipping my back for a mark I missed
Daddy, are you dying like me?
Does the pressure of manhood suffocate you like it does me?
Are you out there drinking because it’s easier to forget than face your turmoil even for a moment?
Is it worth it than being vulnerable?
To be revered for your stern voice and dragon eyes
To be worshipped religiously each time you walk into a room
That you swallow all the air the people trying to love you breathe
Daddy, do you know what a coffin feels like for a walking corpse?
Our home, just look at our home
Daddy, are you okay?
Do the women you go out with soothe your pain than mum’s touch? Do we tire you that much?
Does your pain have to come out in a fist?
Does the high of liquor free you in that abyss?
Daddy, talk to me
I’m running out of energy
It’s raining men now, daddy. They’re falling off buildings and raping women in parties
They’re driving the country down and building walls to shut families out
They’re shooting boys with machismo, the streets are blue
I want to be high with you
Maybe I’d escape this hue
I too want to forget the death of my childhood
I need the sad memories to disappear
I want to soak my mind in trance
Take me away from this place, daddy.