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Tag: masculinity

Women Deserve Healed Men

I don’t blame women who are indifferent to the pain of men. It’s counterproductive arguing, “why don’t feminists speak when it’s men?””why do you keep quiet when it’s a man?” We have to look at the picture outside the frame.We have to investigate the impetus of this dissociation to balance our perspectives. It’s a trauma response. Women all around […]

Women’s Safety from Masculinity

It is impossible for a man to claim he loves a woman if he does not actively create safe space for both her individual and structural growth. A woman shouldn’t only feel safe out of her relations to a man. A woman should feel safe because she’s a human being. And it’s in the small […]

“I Am Not Wife Material”

We sat put in the restaurant booth dreamingly gaping into each other’s eyes. It may have been just another date in the books, but this had a different air to it. “I am not wife material.” She muttered. Let’s talk about that. “I meet men who say they want this or that kind of a […]

Men’s Complicated Relationship with Loss

Men have a complicated relationship with loss. I was sharing space with a friend who visited yesterday for tea and conversation. We agreed that because of poor socialization for boys around emotions, they grow up to struggle dealing with difficult sensations that cause pain in their adulthood. Women tend to be attuned to loss from […]

Men Holding Hands

I bumped into this photo on twitter with the caption “kumbe pia wanaume mko na mabestie.”  Boys hold hands when they’re younger. Their friendships are authentic and intimate. But as they become adults, they’re robbed of intimacy with a world that expects them to be competing and not connecting.  This homophobic creed that men shouldn’t hold hands […]

Navigating the Man God Complex

Ever since I was a kid, manhood was presented to me as the solution to everything. All around me men were the center of attention even more than babies. Every Sunday we prayed to a man God. At home whenever food was discussed it was a man who issued money to cook it. At school […]

Me, My Body And Masculinity

My body harbors scars I’m not afraid to speak about. From my teeth to my back. It’s a museum. With endless stories. I grew up being violated and meant to believe violence was a mark of love. And I guess, it’s part of the reason some people say “we were beaten but turned out okay”. […]

The Period Conversation.

Chatting with a friend and she’s telling me how the hormonal stress during menstruation stretches a woman and yet she has to show up for personal and social responsibilities. And we’re saying how men are so removed from this experience because we don’t know what it’s like. It’s true. The current reality is men grow […]

When I Came Out with my Rape Story

When I shared my rape story and how I struggled with hypersexuality thereafter, so many men ridiculed me for indulging in sex quite late. They bragged about how they were already banging women by the time they were twenty and how I was so hard on myself. The thing is, none would interpret it as […]