Daddy, do you know how it hurts? Does sitting in a bar breaking bottles into your gut make you feel better than coming home to us? Is the banter sweeter than kissing mum? Is her mouth that bitter? Daddy, I want to learn your pain Every time I look into your eyes I see a […]
The demons stared back. Coiling in my bed at 2 am with a sleepless body in the dead of the night. A heavy bag of daunting thoughts. Mum and dad endlessly argued in their bedroom. My heart pounding hard. A woman had called mama, threating to throw her out of our home with us, her […]
I don’t blame women who are indifferent to the pain of men. It’s counterproductive arguing, “why don’t feminists speak when it’s men?””why do you keep quiet when it’s a man?” We have to look at the picture outside the frame.We have to investigate the impetus of this dissociation to balance our perspectives. It’s a trauma response. Women all around […]
Once I adored a gorgeous damsel. And she loved me. We got pregnant on the six month of the year but were not ready to parent. It was my first time (that I know of) to fertilize a womb. Hers was a heart brimming with glee and glam. And me, the Luo boy she charmed. […]
Dad was exceedingly brutal on my body, man. Sometimes the beatings were spread out, sometimes bundled in a week. He’d hoist my tiny body to the air and throw me to the wall, like a ball. Only I couldn’t bounce back. He’d stomp his feet on my head like he was eliminating a snake. He’d […]
In neuroscience there’s something called ‘neuroception’. This describes how our nervous systems distinguish whether situations or people are safe, dangerous, or life threatening. As a form of healing, social support like having safe and healthy relationships enable us to ‘co-regulate’. This is connecting to another safe nervous system that helps us rewire our brain to […]
I bumped into this photo on twitter with the caption “kumbe pia wanaume mko na mabestie.” Boys hold hands when they’re younger. Their friendships are authentic and intimate. But as they become adults, they’re robbed of intimacy with a world that expects them to be competing and not connecting. This homophobic creed that men shouldn’t hold hands […]
Here’s what I learned: You are never obligated to work on a relationship that keeps harming you; mentally, emotionally, physically. We’re socialized to grow through struggle without boundaries. If it’s a parent who caused your childhood trauma and they continue disposing their unresolved issues on you; if it’s a partner whose violence spirals in an […]
Ever since I was a kid, manhood was presented to me as the solution to everything. All around me men were the center of attention even more than babies. Every Sunday we prayed to a man God. At home whenever food was discussed it was a man who issued money to cook it. At school […]
My body harbors scars I’m not afraid to speak about. From my teeth to my back. It’s a museum. With endless stories. I grew up being violated and meant to believe violence was a mark of love. And I guess, it’s part of the reason some people say “we were beaten but turned out okay”. […]
